Tag Archives: haha

Dec10

Temperature Extremes

Posted on by
Temperature Extremes

+20° – Greeks put on sweaters (if they can find them).
+15° – Hawaiians turn on the heaters (if they have them).
+10° – Americans shake, Russians are planting cucumbers .
+5° – You can see your own breathing. Italian cars don’t start. Norwegians take a bath. Russians drive with lowered windows.
0° – Water freezes in America, in Russia it thickens.
-5° – French cars don’t start.
-10° – You’re planning a vacation to Australia .
-15° – Your cat insists to sleep in your bed. Norwegians put on sweaters.
-18° – New York landlords turn on the heaters. Russians make their last seasonal picnic.
-20° – American cars don’t start. People in Alaska start wearing long-sleeves.
-25° – German cars don’t start. Hawaiians are dead.
-30° – Politicians start talking about homeless people. Your cat prefers to sleep in your pajamas.
-35° – Too cold to think. Japanese cars don’t start.
-40° – You’re planning a 2-week hot tub bath. Swedish cars don’t start.
-42° – Transportation stops in Europe . Russians eat ice cream on the street.
-45° – All Greeks are dead. Politicians really start doing something for the homeless.
-50° – Your eyelids start sticking when you blink. In Alaska , people close the window in the bathroom.
-60° – White bears start moving south.
-70° – The hell froze.
-73° – Finnish special services evacuate Santa Claus from Lapland . Russians wear earmuff hats.
-80° – Lawyers put their hands in their own pockets.
-114° – Ethyl alcohol is freezing. Russians are unhappy.
-273° – Absolute zero, atomic movement stops. Russians wear boots.
-295° – 90% of the planet is dead. Russian soccer team becomes the world champion.

via

Sep3

Definitii

Posted on by
Definitii

ABUZ = fara buze

ACRU = unitate de masura a acrelii.   Ex: Tata are o sotie de 3 acri si o soacra de 5.

ACTRITA = matrita pentru fabricarea acelor

ALOPECIE = caderea parului, de pilda când pomul este lovit cu toporul la radacina

ALTERCATIE = schimb de cuvinte cu parul

AMÂNAT = fara mâini

APOI = apa mare

APOPLEXIE = stare de disconfort creata de apa provenita de la vecin, neconventional, prin tavan

ATÂTAT = fara sâni

BASCA = femeie din Pirinei, cu marginile îndoite înauntru

BIRMANIA = predispozitie maladiva a unui ministru de finante de a pune noi taxe si impozite

BIROCRATIE = democratie originala, bazata pe încasarea cât mai multor biruri, cam ca la noi

BIZAR = zar dublu

BOSUMFLAT = sef supraponderal

CELULOZA = boala capatata în închisoare

CHILOT = moldovean ce chiloteaza un avion

COLONEL = intestinul subtire

COMBINEZON = lenjerie usoara, transparenta, purtata de lucratorii de pe combine

GHINIOANE = varianta moldoveneasca pentru ardelenescul “Bine, Ioane”

ÃŽMPRASTIERE = rezultatul procesului prin care betivii se fac prastie

ÃŽNCHINARE = transport catre China

ÎNFOCARE = transformare în foca

ÃŽNVINUIRE = procesul de fermentare a mustului

ÃŽNVIORAT = prevazut cu vioara

LESINA = pe unde circula “le tren”

MACEL = mac mic

MERITORIU = teritoriul ocupat de livada de meri

MICROSCOP = scop marunt

MOLIERE = cutiute în care se pastreaza naftalina

MONOLOG = olog de un picior

BIOLOG = olog de ambele piciore

SEXOLOG = olog de 6 picioare (de ex.. miriapod sexolog)

MOPS = câine care a facut ceva box la viata lui

NASTURE = plasture pentru nas

PAPANAS = nasul Papei

PAPARUDE = rudele Papei

PASPARTU = salut adresat de gazda, la plecare, unui gurmand autoinvitat de Revelion

PIRELLI = firma care a dat faliment când or venit moldovenii cu “firma pi buni”

PIRON = locul unde opreste trenul în gara din Iasi

PLASTURE = nasture din material plastic

PRUDENT = pasta de dinti cu extras de prune

RATEU = pateu din carne de rata

SCARABEU = cetatean ce locuieste la bloc, la scara a doua; din aceeasi familie de cuvinte se cunosc scaraceu si scaradeu

SCUMPETE = termen dragastos adresat femeii iubite pe timp de inflatie

SOIOS = de soi

TRACTOR = actor cu mult trac

TUTUN = a-a-arma de-de-de a-a-artilerie

TURTUR = sunetul soneriei, iarna

VEDETA = nava mica de razboi care se bucura de o deosebita popularitate

YETI = filmul lui Spielberg, “E.T.”, pe ecranele Iasiului

via: e-mail

Jul4

Scoring Points to Make a Woman Happy

Posted on by
Scoring Points to Make a Woman Happy

In the world, one single rule applies to the men: Make the Woman Happy.

Do something she likes and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don’t get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that’s the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the point system:

SIMPLE DUTIES
- You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)
- You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)
- You pummel it with iron rod (+10)

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS
- You stay by her side the entire party (0)
- You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college buddy (-2)
- Named Tina (-4)
- Tina is a dancer (-1000)

COMMUNICATION
- When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen displaying what looks like a concerned expression (0)
- You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)
- You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)

YOUR PHYSIQUE
- You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
- You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)
- You say, “It doesn’t matter, you have one too.” (-8000)

ENJOY THE ‘BIG’ QUESTION
- She asks, “Do I look fat?” (-5) [Yes, you LOSE points no matter what!]
- You hesitate in responding (-10)
- You reply, “Where?” (-35)

via