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A Cow Based Economics Lesson

noryshor — Thu, 08 Dec 2011 10:53:57 +0000

SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbor.

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away.

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowkimona and market it worldwide.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No one believes you, so they bomb the ** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least you live now in a Democracy.

via: “What’s hot” on Google+.

The economy is so bad…

noryshor — Sat, 03 Sep 2011 10:30:38 +0000

* my neighbor got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

* CEOs are now playing miniature golf.

* Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

* if the bank returns your check marked “Insufficient Funds”, you call them and ask if they meant you or them.

* Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.

* parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children’s names.

* my cousin had an exorcism but couldn’t afford to pay for it, and they re-possessed her!

* a truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.

* a picture is now only worth 200 words.

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Temperature Extremes

noryshor — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 19:04:44 +0000

+20Â° – Greeks put on sweaters (if they can find them).
+15Â° – Hawaiians turn on the heaters (if they have them).
+10Â° – Americans shake, Russians are planting cucumbers .
+5Â° – You can see your own breathing. Italian cars don’t start. Norwegians take a bath. Russians drive with lowered windows.
0Â° – Water freezes in America, in Russia it thickens.
-5Â° – French cars don’t start.
-10Â° – You’re planning a vacation to Australia .
-15Â° – Your cat insists to sleep in your bed. Norwegians put on sweaters.
-18Â° – New York landlords turn on the heaters. Russians make their last seasonal picnic.
-20Â° – American cars don’t start. People in Alaska start wearing long-sleeves.
-25Â° – German cars don’t start. Hawaiians are dead.
-30Â° – Politicians start talking about homeless people. Your cat prefers to sleep in your pajamas.
-35Â° – Too cold to think. Japanese cars don’t start.
-40Â° – You’re planning a 2-week hot tub bath. Swedish cars don’t start.
-42Â° – Transportation stops in Europe . Russians eat ice cream on the street.
-45Â° – All Greeks are dead. Politicians really start doing something for the homeless.
-50Â° – Your eyelids start sticking when you blink. In Alaska , people close the window in the bathroom.
-60Â° – White bears start moving south.
-70Â° – The hell froze.
-73Â° – Finnish special services evacuate Santa Claus from Lapland . Russians wear earmuff hats.
-80Â° – Lawyers put their hands in their own pockets.
-114Â° – Ethyl alcohol is freezing. Russians are unhappy.
-273Â° – Absolute zero, atomic movement stops. Russians wear boots.
-295Â° – 90% of the planet is dead. Russian soccer team becomes the world champion.

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Scoring Points to Make a Woman Happy

noryshor — Sun, 05 Jul 2009 02:27:26 +0000

In the world, one single rule applies to the men: Make the Woman Happy.

Do something she likes and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don’t get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that’s the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the point system:

SIMPLE DUTIES
- You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)
- You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)
- You pummel it with iron rod (+10)

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS
- You stay by her side the entire party (0)
- You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college buddy (-2)
- Named Tina (-4)
- Tina is a dancer (-1000)

COMMUNICATION
- When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen displaying what looks like a concerned expression (0)
- You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)
- You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)

YOUR PHYSIQUE
- You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
- You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)
- You say, “It doesn’t matter, you have one too.” (-8000)

ENJOY THE ‘BIG’ QUESTION
- She asks, “Do I look fat?” (-5) [Yes, you LOSE points no matter what!]
- You hesitate in responding (-10)
- You reply, “Where?” (-35)

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Computer Games

noryshor — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 17:34:25 +0000

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Despre televiziune

noryshor — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 14:33:39 +0000

Gasesc televiziunea foarte educativa. De fiecare data cand cineva porneste televizorul, ma duc in camera cealalta si citesc o carte. (Groucho Marx)

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La Romania

noryshor — Wed, 25 Feb 2009 20:27:36 +0000

Aderizat la Romania cu bomba la valiza ascunz, dregut fara broblem condrol la aerobort.

Pazdrat dolar amerigan blezdemad, bentru gonzdruid aigea bomba, dad jumadate la taxi, jumadate furat tigan din buzunar.

Indalnit frate Ahmed, batron magazin, ajudat la mine. Discutat cu el la cafenea plan bomba, consumat egler broaspat, intoxicat cu zalmonel, noi ajuns la sbital, doctor roman durud la gur, noi luat gur fok.

Jefu, cu bomba praf antrax nu putut facut la Romania, gineva furat antrax, degi ingercat plan bomba cu bum-bumâ€¦!

Mutat abartament frate Ahmed, adus mult frumos aminde de tara mia, fara aba la robinet, geam sparte ca la Beirut, tigle gazut cap cind vind bate.

Urmarit PROTV emiziune egzplozia camion azotat, facut frica la mine. Iory! Iory! Astia romani are tupeu nu gluma! Urgent trebuie regrutat, jefu! Bomba cu azotat mare efect aveamâ€¦

Inderesat pilotat avion bentru lovit gladire la roman. Vazut delevizor, aparat zbor MIG brabusit singur in ogor la taran, pluz taran roman strigat singur gladire, adormit beat , tigara abrinsa, murit zoacra, facut chef mare la eiâ€¦

Draga Jefu, gineva furat la mine gas pasdrat bentru bus la bomba, iar azeara, gind iesit gumbarat baclava, egzblodat budelie la barter. Aicia la Romania, pericol! Zbierat, zguibat la sin, gagat be mine de frica !

Jefu, ma indorg agasa!

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Vathilica

noryshor — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 17:58:47 +0000

Banc din tinerete…

Cica mergeau doi serpisori pe carare, ganditori. La un moment dat unul din ei, mai peltic, zice:

-Vathilica! Vathilica!

-Ce-i ma?

-Nimic, nimic, latha!

Mai merg ei ce merg si din nou se aude:

-Vathilica, ma Vathilica ma!

-Ce-i ma?

-Nimic, nimic, latha!

Dupa o inca o bucata de vreme:

-Vathilica! Ma Vathilica ma!

Ce-i ma!? Da’ ce-i cu tine?!

-Ma, noi thuntem therpi veninothi?

-Nu ma! Da’ de ce?

-Ca mi-am muthcat limba thi m-am thperiat.

Lumina de la capatul tunelului

noryshor — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 02:23:00 +0000

Pesimistul vede intr-un tunel intunericul, optimistul vede lumina de la capatul lui, realistul vede luminile trenului care vine, mecanicul de locomotiva vede trei idioti pe sine.

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Memo

noryshor — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 17:09:00 +0000

Due to the current financial crisis facing the world at the moment, the light at the end of the tunnel will be switched off to save on electricity costs, until further notice.

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