ZAMBITI VA ROG

+20° – Greeks put on sweaters (if they can find them).
+15° – Hawaiians turn on the heaters (if they have them).
+10° – Americans shake, Russians are planting cucumbers .
+5° – You can see your own breathing. Italian cars don’t start. Norwegians take a bath. Russians drive with lowered windows.
0° – Water freezes in America, in Russia it thickens.
-5° – French cars don’t start.
-10° – You’re planning a vacation to Australia .
-15° – Your cat insists to sleep in your bed. Norwegians put on sweaters.
-18° – New York landlords turn on the heaters. Russians make their last seasonal picnic.
-20° – American cars don’t start. People in Alaska start wearing long-sleeves.
-25° – German cars don’t start. Hawaiians are dead.
-30° – Politicians start talking about homeless people. Your cat prefers to sleep in your pajamas.
-35° – Too cold to think. Japanese cars don’t start.
-40° – You’re planning a 2-week hot tub bath. Swedish cars don’t start.
-42° – Transportation stops in Europe . Russians eat ice cream on the street.
-45° – All Greeks are dead. Politicians really start doing something for the homeless.
-50° – Your eyelids start sticking when you blink. In Alaska , people close the window in the bathroom.
-60° – White bears start moving south.
-70° – The hell froze.
-73° – Finnish special services evacuate Santa Claus from Lapland . Russians wear earmuff hats.
-80° – Lawyers put their hands in their own pockets.
-114° – Ethyl alcohol is freezing. Russians are unhappy.
-273° – Absolute zero, atomic movement stops. Russians wear boots.
-295° – 90% of the planet is dead. Russian soccer team becomes the world champion.

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In the world, one single rule applies to the men: Make the Woman Happy.

Do something she likes and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don’t get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that’s the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the point system:

SIMPLE DUTIES
- You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)
- You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)
- You pummel it with iron rod (+10)

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS
- You stay by her side the entire party (0)
- You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college buddy (-2)
- Named Tina (-4)
- Tina is a dancer (-1000)

COMMUNICATION
- When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen displaying what looks like a concerned expression (0)
- You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)
- You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)

YOUR PHYSIQUE
- You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
- You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)
- You say, “It doesn’t matter, you have one too.” (-8000)

ENJOY THE ‘BIG’ QUESTION
- She asks, “Do I look fat?” (-5) [Yes, you LOSE points no matter what!]
- You hesitate in responding (-10)
- You reply, “Where?” (-35)

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Gasesc televiziunea foarte educativa. De fiecare data cand cineva porneste televizorul, ma duc in camera cealalta si citesc o carte. (Groucho Marx)

via Cipri.

Aderizat la Romania cu bomba la valiza ascunz, dregut fara broblem condrol la aerobort.

Pazdrat dolar amerigan blezdemad, bentru gonzdruid aigea bomba, dad jumadate la taxi, jumadate furat tigan din buzunar.

Indalnit frate Ahmed, batron magazin, ajudat la mine. Discutat cu el la cafenea plan bomba, consumat egler broaspat, intoxicat cu zalmonel, noi ajuns la sbital, doctor roman durud la gur, noi luat gur fok.

Jefu, cu bomba praf antrax nu putut facut la Romania, gineva furat antrax, degi ingercat plan bomba cu bum-bum…!

Mutat abartament frate Ahmed, adus mult frumos aminde de tara mia, fara aba la robinet, geam sparte ca la Beirut, tigle gazut cap cind vind bate.

Urmarit PROTV emiziune egzplozia camion azotat, facut frica la mine. Iory! Iory! Astia romani are tupeu nu gluma! Urgent trebuie regrutat, jefu! Bomba cu azotat mare efect aveam…

Inderesat pilotat avion bentru lovit gladire la roman. Vazut delevizor, aparat zbor MIG brabusit singur in ogor la taran, pluz taran roman strigat singur gladire, adormit beat , tigara abrinsa, murit zoacra, facut chef mare la ei…

Draga Jefu, gineva furat la mine gas pasdrat bentru bus la bomba, iar azeara, gind iesit gumbarat baclava, egzblodat budelie la barter. Aicia la Romania, pericol! Zbierat, zguibat la sin, gagat be mine de frica !

Jefu, ma indorg agasa!

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